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Entries in April fools (1)


A. Party stabbed in K-Town.

I was minding my own business, standing in line at the post office. The queue was moving extremely slowly as per usual.  I was getting fidgety, impatient, restless,  waiting my turn in the impossibly slow-moving human snake that is the Ketchum Post Office.

I had my back to the door...but out of the corner of my eye I saw her leap out at me.  It was Judy Schpankter, my ex-landlady.  She lunged toward me.  I saw a flash...she was wielding a large phillips head screw-driver in her right hand.  I reacted quickly fending her off, but I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder. She had jabbed me with her tool before I went into beast mode.   All that Krav Maga training (Israeli sef-defense martial arts) paid off.  I reflexively grabbed her wrist and twisted it; hard.  She fell to the floor.  Her wrist was broken.  I pinned her down on the floor with one foot on her chest, and kicked the phillips head to the side. 

Surprisingly calm, I yelled to the post-office clerk, "call the cops, they know her".  He shouted "what's the number?".  "911 you moron" I screamed.  Schpankter was writhing in pain and holding her broken wrist.  Clearly she wasn't getting up.   


At this point I felt the blood flowing down my sleeve.   I shouted loudly so all could hear "the cops know her, I'm going to the hospital" and then I dropped the mic. and headed for the door...without my mail. 

Yada, Yada Yada,..."what happened?"  Note to self, ER visits are not covered. .

6 stitches later I'm on my way to the KPD to tell my side of the story.  

You probably read Krazy in Ketchum.  That blog post is based on a true story.  The stalking story and all the set up on FB, and the stabbing...what can I say?   April Fools.

Luv ya.

Party / Out.