Some of this might have actually happened.
My phone has been buzzing off the hook. Paris is at the Nell. Antonio and Melanie are in town. Kurt & Goldie are wearing new furs. Mariah is keeping it hot in her red bikini while her dog drinks from the pool. Elle Macpherson looks pretty good with no make-up. I don't make this sh*t up...I just document it.
After 8 years of skiing every day and partying every night I'm tired. So I figured I would make up a good story which actually could be true.
My friend owns a big-daddy penthouse on the Hyman Street Mall. The luxury apartment sits empty 335 days a year. The other 30 days...it's da shizzle. Mariah rented it one year for $25,000 per night...but the elevator was too slow...so she found a new pad. Last year some Russians stayed there for 10 days and trashed the place. This year the penthouse was still "unspoken for" for New Years. My friend was getting nervous and I am a licensed real estate broker...so I started making a few calls. "It's only $25K a night" I would start off my pitch... trying to make it sound cheap. "The place is siiiiick, best view in town...right near all the clubs". A friend from L.A. said..." Is it close to Bootsy Bellows? I know a guy who might want it...text you later".
4 days later I got a call from a blocked number. The caller identified himself simply as "Bobo, I'm interested in the penthouse". He started grilling me about "security issues" in the building. "Privacy is of the utmost importance here" he said. Bobo proceeded to tell me that he represented a "very A-list celebrity family" and that I would be required to sign an air tight NDA. "O.K. Bobo you're not scaring me...but the price for 6 nights is $250,000 payable in advance and it's non-refundable". Bobo indicated that the price was acceptable and e-mailed me the NDA. I did a few numbers in my head ...let's see...250,000 x 10% = $25,000... my commish. I signed and faxed the NDA back within minutes along with the standard rental contract for "the penthouse" that ties the tenant up every which way but loose and includes a security bond of $100,000. Bada bing..bada bang...we had a deal.
Bobo never identified his client...but the $250,000 wire hit Alpine Bank before noon the next day. The leasee was an entity controlled by the #1 reality T.V. family in Calabasses, Ca.
After seeing the Wolf of Wall Street, I was laying on the couch last night fantasising about my $25k commish. Just like the old days...I was patting myself on the back. Of course I deserved the $25K... after all, I did make a few calls. The tenants were due to check in today. Just then Bobo called from L.A. and he sounded upset. Apparently his clients were under the impression that their luxury rental had "everything". "Where's the indoor pool ?" he shouted at me. I hesitated before I spoke..."there's no pool Bobo...but there is a jacuzzi on the roof with complete privacy and a fantastic view". That calmed him down immediately. "A jacuzzi on the roof" he repeated very slowly."I think I can work with that" he said trying to convince himself. "It has a sick view?" he asked. "Yup...best in Aspen" I said with confidence. "O.K. let's go with it" he said. Let's go with it? The wire had already cleared. I thanked him and told him how disappointed I was when I learned that Lamar and Khloe has split up and were not coming to Aspen with the rest of the gang. Bobo had already hung up.
TIA. This is Aspen.